I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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