why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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