haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
