I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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