the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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