and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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