Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
