In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My liver just had a heart attack.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
