Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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