If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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