Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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