just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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