my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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