It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
How's work?
Spinning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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