I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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