Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
