Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
