there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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