bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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