Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll

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  (336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll http://tfl.nu/6m63
  Replies (27) Good night (5770) Bad night (1389)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?

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  (778): Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird? http://tfl.nu/7neo
  Replies (26) Good night (4161) Bad night (945)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.

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  (240): You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool. http://tfl.nu/7f4d
  Replies (11) Good night (3804) Bad night (899)
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  (562): View more from California

  I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.

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  (562): I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex. http://tfl.nu/ik0l
  Replies (15) Good night (5724) Bad night (1164)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table

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  (630): It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table http://tfl.nu/i2oz
  Replies (25) Good night (1509) Bad night (4213)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.

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  (904): all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home. http://tfl.nu/xqx6
  Replies (9) Good night (851) Bad night (3080)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.

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  (412): She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head. http://tfl.nu/fks8
  Replies (4) Good night (1082) Bad night (2466)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.

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  (816): Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes. http://tfl.nu/7aqq
  Replies (2) Good night (3361) Bad night (824)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"

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  (705): The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?" http://tfl.nu/11uf
  Replies (27) Good night (7268) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it

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  (438): Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it http://tfl.nu/s0ms
  Replies (10) Good night (766) Bad night (3469)
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  (631): View more from New York

  ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight

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  (631): ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight http://tfl.nu/dytu
  Replies (30) Good night (2720) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.

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  (801): I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens. http://tfl.nu/q3si
  Replies (8) Good night (2128) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?

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  (410): What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots? http://tfl.nu/z5fp
  Replies (6) Good night (1170) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.

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  (520): You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee. http://tfl.nu/cxay
  Replies (1) Good night (301) Bad night (910)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits

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  (204): He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits http://tfl.nu/uf23
  Replies (5) Good night (380) Bad night (661)

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