Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it

(734): View more from Michigan

Thanks?

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(269): butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it (734): Thanks? http://tfl.nu/zk2g

Replies (7) Good night (1142) Bad night (627)
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(417): View more from Missouri

when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.

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(417): when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/gl04

Replies (5) Good night (3985) Bad night (549)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor

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(732): im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor http://tfl.nu/d5hx

Replies (18) Good night (4454) Bad night (771)
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(512): View more from Texas

After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.

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(512): After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game. http://tfl.nu/rksq

Replies (8) Good night (3463) Bad night (1069)
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(917): View more from New York City

On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests

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(917): On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests http://tfl.nu/0vji

Replies (7) Good night (3127) Bad night (1858)
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(509): View more from Washington

i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it

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(509): i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it http://tfl.nu/wiu8

Replies (29) Good night (6903) Bad night (1213)
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(269): View more from Michigan

P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.

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(269): P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema. http://tfl.nu/a51s

Replies (8) Good night (639) Bad night (1304)
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(631): View more from New York

So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.

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(631): So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown. http://tfl.nu/wxtg

Replies (5) Good night (2107) Bad night (418)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.

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(603): His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice. http://tfl.nu/yv8x

Replies (1) Good night (1061) Bad night (376)
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(406): View more from Montana

Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving

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(406): Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving http://tfl.nu/p7rm

Replies (18) Good night (2086) Bad night (436)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.

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(203): In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window. http://tfl.nu/vk8f

Replies (6) Good night (468) Bad night (1029)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.

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(307): WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk. http://tfl.nu/ho36

Replies (1) Good night (759) Bad night (348)
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(310): View more from California

Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing

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(310): Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing http://tfl.nu/gwvn

Replies (3) Good night (589) Bad night (318)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...

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(303): Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching... http://tfl.nu/8tua

Replies (4) Good night (324) Bad night (576)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.

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(403): Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull. http://tfl.nu/z0zm

Replies (1) Good night (250) Bad night (268)

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