I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha