I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
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for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.