I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.