Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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