he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if only i could text you this smell
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
