Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
