I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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