we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
