You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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