Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
