why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
