You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
