It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Two words: nipple clamps
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