Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
