I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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