3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize