I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
