brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
