a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
