I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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