perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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