I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
