Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
