Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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