I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
