The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
