yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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