at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
