Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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