I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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