Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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