Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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