Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
