you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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