I'm jealous of your bromance
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
