yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
