what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
God I need to hump something, right now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
