I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
