you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
