She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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