Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
