i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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