Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
