It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
